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I hate looking for a job.

In the beginning, it was a little exciting thinking about all the different possibilities and new experiences I would have with a new job. Now, it’s just getting frustrating. Aside from the numerous rejection letters/emails I’ve received in the past few weeks, there are no jobs out there.

I mean absolutely nothing.

I’ve searched and searched, I’ve been on craigslist 500 times, monster, hotjobs…you know name, I’ve been there. 

Job hunting is like whoring yourself out there. It’s never satisfying and most of the time you are left with this disgusting feeling that you will end up temping for the rest of your life without a career while your other friends drive by in their new BMWs….no I’ve don’t really know what it is like to whore myself but you get the idea:)

Ok, maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself but for those of you that understand what being laid off feels like then you surely will understand how it feels to still be unemployed while your friends go off to work while you stay home. 

Yes, daytime tv is awesome but so is a paycheck. I miss my sanity, if I ever had it to begin with. 

Also, my bf is off fighting the good fight. The military is calling and he decided to answer. haha

I just need one thing to go right….oh pretty please

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Well, hello there. I’m sorry that I have been gone for so long but that’s what happens when you start a new job and suddenly every second is precious.

So here are some highlights:

Work: It’s going well, still really stressful. I really hope that everything will click soon because right now, it hasn’t. I’m making friends, which is a huge relief. Most of the time, I feel like I am running without my head or that people think I am incredibly stupid. But it’s ok, everything takes time so I am willing to wait and go with the flow.  

 Home: My house is so dirty…holy laundry. I just don’t have the energy to clean at all. I mean seriously, who wants to come home around 7/8 and clean?! I don’t…I don’t even want to make dinner but a girl has to eat.

 So much has happened since my last post, I don’t know where to start. Ok, the work party story I mentioned before. I had a few going out parties at my old job and they were fantastic. One of my guy friends, the one who I’ve always had a great connection with, went to the party as well. As I went to leave, he hugged me. I know everyone hugs but here’s the story behind the hug. Two of my friends were standing behind me and when my friend hugged me, I’m sure they assumed it would be short and we would leave. No, this hug lasted for like ten minutes. At first I thought I was holding on too long, so I let go…but he wouldn’t. He just kept hugging me, he told me that he would miss me a lot and that he loved me. (No, not the real love but it was still sweet.) I thought that was it so I pulled away again (now the second time I’ve pulled away) and nothing, he wouldn’t let go. A few minutes later, he gives me a kiss on the cheek, said we would see each other soon and let me go. As I left the bar, I became so sad. I remember sitting on the train actually depressed, I felt that we wouldn’t see each other again. The fact that he held on so tightly meant that it was the end.

Ok, I’m being overly dramatic because I’ve seen him almost every week for drinks with a few other coworkers. It’s nice that I get to see them and have a few drinks. I don’t usually go out during the week but going out with them is just fun.

Ok, that’s enough for now. I’m finally going to read everything that I’ve missed with you all and comment.

 

I missed you guys! 

  

What a day. I have no idea what I’m doing at all. At all. Seriously, I couldn’t punch holes in paper correctly, I swear I have a mental problem. For most of the day, I had a horrible headache…mainly from reading so much and looking every word up. Thank you medical jargon. The people are nice though, which is a plus. They took me out to lunch and bought me a desk plant…very sweet.

But unless I learn how to do my job well, that will all fade. Apparently, you will succeed in six months or ultimately realize that this is not the right job. That’s not stressful at all. ha, right.

I missed working at my old company, not the work (obviously) but the people. I could go to anyone’s desk and just talk. Or go and hang out with my favorite guys (story about that later.)

It’s going to take a long time to deal with all of this. I just hope I can do it because right now, I am seriously doubting myself. Especially after fucking up punching holes in paper. Seriously?! How hard is it to create a binder? Apparently, it is really hard for me.

This will get better right? God I hope so. I hate this feeling.

I was so nervous last night that I couldn’t fall asleep at all. I stayed up the whole night thinking about my old coworkers and how I left them. Yes, it was for the best ( right?) but it made me sad. They through me a great going away party and I will post about that tomorrow, one moment has been on my mind all weekend.

Sidenote: my face is so dry and it’s cracking. Damn winter. Any good ideas to fix that? I had to go to the bathroom every hour just to reapply face cream since it looked so flaky and gross. Ugh.

I think I’m getting sick which is kind of bad if you have to start a new job on Monday.

I’m going to drink some Airborne and overdose on tea.

Sadly, we only had seven trick or treaters last night. Where did all of the kids go? I remember going to every single house to maximaze my candy total. I wanted to see fun costumes and cute little children but nope, only seven kids. So sad.

My new boss emailed me last night and showed me the proof for my new business card, how cool is that? I’m getting excited!

Yes, I am at work.

Boooooo

Even after I quit my job, I’m still swamped at work but this time, it’s a different feeling. I know I have to finish this work before I leave and train the new temp but now I don’t feel like I’m going to rip my hair out. I didn’t stop caring, I just stopped freaking out about this job…cause in a few days, it won’t be mine anymore…wohoo..

 Every time I receive a horrible email, I no longer freak out. I just say bye jerk and email him a very nice response like “go bite yourself” because this stuff isn’t mine anymore. You have no idea how great it feels.

On another note, I bought some Halloween candy to prepare for the kiddies.

HORRIBLE MISTAKE. 

We are devouring it as if it is water….mmmmm baby ruth. Someone stop me now. Please.

Anyway, when I was walking my dog last night, there was this weirdo guy just walking around. Now, I’m normally paranoid but this guy freaked me out to a different level of paranoia. This girl walked by, he just stopped and watched her walk for five minutes. She got into her house but he just stood there. My house is near a main street and for a second, I thought he was at the intersection waiting for the light to change so he could cross but no, he didn’t move. F

ricking creepy.

I want to get some mace but knowing me I will spray someone that asks for the time.

So I’m just sitting here, trying to get the courage to tell my boss.

It’s not that I’m afraid to tell her but I’m afraid of what will happen after.

No, she won’t yell but I’m afraid of actually leaving my job….starting a new one, meeting new coworkers and learning a new field.

 Holy crap.

My fear is that I will lose my friends now, those people who were coworkers when I started but turned into friends after months of hard work and cursing at our boss behind her back. I hope it isn’t like the end of college, where we say we will hang out but never really have the time. I’ve never been one to welcome change with open arms; I get super anxious over the most mundane situations. I can feel my stomach hurting right now just thinking about meeting new people and/or making mistakes.  

Holy cow indeed… but change is good and necessary.

Ok, I woke up this morning to a voicemail. I called back and I am waiting for a return call.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Update soon!

Ok, I’m sure you get the point by now. I’m completely obsessed with checking my email. I’ve even gone the extra crazy step by checking to see the other emails that he sent me last week to get an estimate on when he could possibly email me back.

Yes, my name is OBH and I am crazy. 

I told the boy last night that if I didn’t get the job I wanted some wine and flowers.

Imagine this being said in a cute, non-demanding voice 🙂

He asked me, what if you get the job. Flowers and wine…ha-ha come on? That’s a given. 

But seriously, I don’t want anything…..except for maybe this job.

I know that if you leave my company, you have to go through an exit interview and even though I haven’t received this new job yet, I’m really excited about the idea of this exit interview. Aside from burning bridges with my horrible boss, it would be a perfect opportunity to explain to the HR team why our department is failing….the why being her. aka boss lady.

Mrs. “I come in at 10 when everyone else is here at 8.”

Mrs. “Oh please create this 40 page report but whoops, I didn’t need it anyway.”

Mrs. “Why did you take two hours for lunch? Oh you had a meeting. ..whoops.” 

No, I am not bitter…not bitter at all.

For the love of god, can someone disable my email because my finger actually hurts from pressing refresh? 

I’m so glad the whole interview thing is done, except it would be really nice to know the outcome, right?!

The company has the day off so I probably will not hear back from them until Weds. I would say Tuesday but I think they would have to meet and discuss, right?

I meet with five different people but they still managed to ask me the same questions. But it was fine, I felt relaxed.

However, I am not relaxed right now.

I need to know. Right…..now! I’m going crazy not knowing.

A part of me is excited but another part of me is freaked out, with those horrible questions like what if I don’t get it?I might hide in some corner if I don’t.

God help me…hahah 

P.S. My “soon to be, oh please god” supervisor is so adorable it’s not even funny. I might even be a tad bit jealous of her cuteness but in a good way, not the evil girl jealous way.